It’s hard to put into words just how excruciating a custody battle with a narcissist really is. I never imagined I’d be in one. During our marriage, my narcissistic ex-husband never showed any interest in parenting our children. So I spent twelve years doing it all alone as a “married single parent” while juggling a demanding career. Yet somehow, I found myself locked in a brutal legal war, spending a fortune, enduring sleepless nights, and fighting for my children’s well-being—against someone who had never acted like a parent until he could use it to hurt me.
When I filed for divorce, he shocked me by demanding sole custody and supervised visitation for me. That’s when I learned the hard truth: narcissists don’t seek custody because they love their children—they do it because they know it’s the sharpest knife they can twist into you.
They always manage to find your personal worst-case scenario. In my case, it was pretending to want to parent. In others, it’s abandonment—ghosting you and the kids entirely, leaving you to explain the heartbreak. Whatever would hurt you most, they’ll find it.
And what makes it worse is how often the family court seems to help them do it. Even as a lawyer, I wasn’t prepared for what I experienced. Family court doesn’t behave like any other area of law. “Best interests of the child” can feel like a phrase stripped of all meaning. Logic seems absent. Bad behavior gets rewarded. Abusive parents are given credibility while protective ones are viewed with skepticism.
You’re told to “put the kids first” while being forced to watch them suffer. I sat in court while a judge gave a canned speech about how divorce ruins children—implying I was the one ruining them by fighting to protect them. Meanwhile, my abuser was applauded for “wanting to be involved.”
It’s a nightmare. You’re not just fighting your ex—you’re fighting a system that often refuses to see the truth. And it’s costly, emotionally and financially. Guardians ad Litem, “custody evaluators,” mental health exams—each with a hefty price tag and no guarantee they’ll get it right. Many don’t even try.
This process nearly broke me. But it also inspired me. I was inspired to create this platform to help others navigating the same hell. Whether you have a lawyer or are representing yourself, you deserve tools, guidance, and support. No one should go through this alone.
So let’s talk. Share what no one else will understand unless they’ve lived it—how to protect your kids, how to survive the court circus, how to care for yourself through it all. If my experience can help even one other person, it will have been worth something.
I knew no one in my life who had gone through something similar to what I experienced, so the accounts that people shared online were my lifeblood.
So please, share your experience. Although it may not matter as much as it should in family court, it definitely matters here.
