The gaslighting, the emotional neglect, the subtle put-downs wrapped in sarcasm, the endless promises that never came true… and always feeling like maybe it was me.

He kept stringing me along with future plans that never happened. I spent years waiting for a proposal, for a shift, for some proof that I mattered. I finally broke up with him—but not without trying to go back first. Each time, it got worse. And when I did leave for good, I thought I was done with that kind of pain.

But then came someone else. Charming. Attentive. Seemed like everything I’d been missing. I didn’t realize I was falling into a deeper trap—because I hadn’t healed yet. The next relationship became a masterclass in narcissistic abuse: more controlling, more manipulative, and ultimately more damaging than anything before.

Looking back, I see all the signs I missed. But when you’re in it, the lines are so blurry. You don't realize how miserable you in the relationship until you make that final break. I was never happy, but stuck in the cycle of hope and despair, always hoping for bliss that never came. Always fearing a discard or his narcissistic rage.

This is a space to talk openly about what narcissistic love really looks like. Not the fake perfection they show the world, but what it’s like behind closed doors—the pain, the confusion, and the way it erodes your sense of self.